The other night I had two similar and very disconcerting dreams. In each, I was arrested for something. In the first dream, I discovered a cache of illegal drugs on property I owned. Police dogs just happened by, and I was nabbed. I protested innocence, but the police said otherwise. In my own mind I began to question whether the I had just found the drugs, or if they werre truly mine.
The second dream was even weirder. A buddy of mine and I had climbed into a viewing stand that overlooked a park. In a strange metamorphosis possible only in dreams, the stand suddenly became a double-decker RV driven by an elderly couple. It seems we were tresspassing, and to make matters worse, we were in motion. As my friend and I tried to find a way down withouot alerting the drivers, we jumped, and that somehow caused the RV to wreck. We escaped, but police found my fingerprints all over the vehicle, so I was charged with a crime.
In both cases I managed to wake up before I got carted off to jail. The dreams bothered me, and it wasn’t untili this morning that I was able to piece together an interprestation of the dreams.. It boils down to a subconscious feeling that I’m a fraud, ,and that soon someone’s going to find out, and I’ll be busted.
Let me explain further. Today we had a meeting of the SCASA Technology Leaders’ Roundtable. This group consists of executive level school technology leaders across the state, and we get together regularly to discuss issues that affect all of us. I was program chair last year, and as such was highly visible throughout the state. At EdTech this fall I heard from several of my colleagues about how great our district’s technology program is, and my name had been listed as one of the top technology leaders in the state. I always, always cringe when I hear these sorts of things.
Our technology program has thrived for two reasons – our district has provided us with the financial resouruces we need, and we have been able to put together a dynamic team to support our district. Basically, I inherited an excellent district position and a pre-existing philosophy of instructional technology similar to my own. I claim no individual credit for the success our district has had.
Things are changing in our district. We’re experiencing incredible growth, and our financial situation is deteriorating due to legislation, tax relief, etc.. We’re having to being new schools, and we’re wondering where the money will come from to pay for these. My tech team is wondering about the security of their positions – not that the might lose their positions, but that new techs won’t be hired for the new schools, and they they will be required to do even momre with their already tight time.
I look around at other districts and see things such as Prometheam and Smart boards in every classroom, one-to-one computing initiatives, and implementation of Web 2.0 activities. The word I get is that we now just don’t have the money for such things.
It’s much easier to have a great program and appear to be a good leader if you have ready access to resources. However, a truly great technology leader should be able to have a visioon and find the resources to realize that vision even in the face of budget cuts and increasing demands. This is where my dreams come into play. I have fears that I won’t measure up to that "truly great" standard. I have fears that our technology programs will languish. I won’t have the luxury of proclaiming innocence, for as the director, my fingerprints are all over it.
I guess it’s time to buy another lottery ticket.